May Your Mind Learn to Love with Compassion

"May your mind learn to love with compassion."

This quote was a beautiful gift to me which I now share with you, from my morning tea (Yogi).

A quote so fitting, as on my mind this morning is all of the wonderful people I have had the great fortune of connecting with over the past 7 years and the support I have felt from those who knew me before. It was 7 years ago this week the answers finally started coming in, only to leave me terrified with a million more questions. The answer: Stroke in my unborn child. At the time of the diagnosis Brendon was just about 19 months old and strong, yet he had so much to overcome with a very uncertain future. (Here is a little piece of advice for those who aren’t in the know, though you are probably much smarter than I and know this already: No one has a future that is a guarantee! Thus making all of us in the same boat, so to speak, yet some of us are little more hypersensitive to this revelation of mine.)

At that point, I sought Brendon’s entire short life (19 months) for answers, often questioning my own sanity as I was ignored, misled, even laughed at... When you get a diagnosis for your child you are often met with reactions that make you feel as if it is just you and your child against the world. The answers and the questions which follow become all consuming. You feel no one understands you. You get angry when someone says the wrong words as a reaction to hearing your child’s diagnosis and not realizing the uphill battle you face, the desperation.

Looking back I don't have anger and I don't blame anyone for not knowing. It can be quite a very uncomfortable feeling to come face to face with a woman on a mission to help her child and who will knock anyone over that gets in the way. With this I have come to understand that you have to move forward and empower others by educating them. How can people know if I don’t tell?

What has evolved, for me personally, is seeing first hand that beyond the sadness and pain and fear and craziness is a compassionate world. However, it takes the ones who are suffering to seek beyond their hell, to search for some sort of silver lining. With this being said I by no means imply that the pain and sadness isn’t valid, real, and warranted - I don’t simplify these feelings. Nor, do I mean that one can overcome these feelings. The feeling of being alone and isolated is something that we can help each other with. The feelings of pain and suffering I have felt throughout my entire life, with the feelings I experienced with Brendon’s diagnosis are very raw and fresh. If they weren’t then they wouldn’t be important. We, as compassionate people, can recognize when this is happening and reach out to the one who is suffering. Having been on the receiving end of kindness and compassion means the world and can pull you out of a dark place. It is as simple as sending a message, indicating, “Hey I care about you and am thinking about you!” For some reason, in the human experience, we just want to know we are not alone!

Another outcome of this experience is becoming truly grateful for what you do have. (Very easy said and done in black and white. But if you really dig down deep you find what it is that you are grateful for.) It is my personal belief that those of us who have suffered (often continuing to suffer) a tremendous pain are meant to be there, with love and compassion, for others. While we are all living different lives and losses, suffering and pain is brought on my so many different happenings in life. We develop empathy for others. Every life has an ongoing story that is different from our own but by putting ourselves in the shoes of the person who is suffering we recognize our personal feelings of love then relate to others.

This is more than just pediatric stroke awareness. This is about me as a human being, who loves deeply, and how I can relate my personal experiences to the experiences of others to better understand their feelings.

Little disclaimer: I will be the first to admit that I do have difficulty with people who I feel belittle what is in my heart. I will not make time to open myself up to being knocked down. Also, I will not make time for those who belittle the feelings of the ones I love.

This is who I have become in this journey and am greatly inspired by my son, my family, and those who took the time to offer compassion and kindness throughout the ups and downs.

I am truly, deeply grateful.