From One Mother's Heart to Another Mother's Broken Heart

From One Mother’s Heart to Another Mother’s Broken Heart…

I have a very dear friend, Janelle Paquette.  If truth be told I wish we never knew each other.  It seems so harsh to say but I would sacrifice our friendship in order for her to see her sweet daughter’s face every day.

 

It was almost two years ago that I read the story of Isabella “Bella” Paquette – a healthy beautiful little girl of three and a half, who one night became very ill and began having strokes.  Bella earned her place in heaven six days later.  This precious girl fought so hard and endured more than most could ever imagine.  When I read their story I cried because I am a mother and I love my two precious children with all of my heart and could feel the pain of Janelle’s broken heart as she longed to hold her daughter again.

Stroke is the 6^th leading cause of death in children. One of the issues Janelle faced in those hours when Bella became critically ill was no one recognized that her daughter was having strokes.  Janelle kept questioning and even with a CT scan the strokes were missed, at the first hospital.  It wasn’t until Bella was at the second hospital that the scan was accurately read.  The second issue is the fact that often times when children finally get an accurate diagnosis there isn’t FDA approved medicine that could reverse the effects of the damage as in an adult who suffers an ischemic stroke.   Doctors are put into a position of trying to do anything they can to save the life of the child.

I don’t share this to shock you; this is to inform you.  As I read Bella’s story the only thing I could think at that moment was I was too late, this should not have happened.  What I mean is I couldn’t spread awareness fast enough and educate fast enough to help Bella.  For that matter, we are not where we need to be at this point to prevent this from happening to any child.  However, I won’t give up!

Through my work over the years I have come to know that there are countless children out there who have endured a stroke or several strokes.   It is Bella, her family, my son, and all the children and families who I have come to know over the past 7 years who drive me to continue in the fight to make a change.

 

It is Bella’s 6^th birthday tomorrow and her parents have to spend the day, just like every other day, suffering a pain that is too unimaginable.  Janelle and I have become friends because we have a common bond – we love our children and want to make a change for Bella, Brendon, our families and the countless others around the world. 

We are:  2 mothers + 2 paths = 1 mission!

Janelle is so beautiful and has the kindest heart.  The days she is feeling so incredible down she apologizes.   There is never a reason to apologize for feeling that kind of love for her child and expressing how much it hurts to not have Bella to watch grow up.

Bella and Janelle are in my heart every day. 

 

Janelle, I cannot know the pain you feel but as a mother I understand.  I am here to fight on those times you don’t have the energy to fight!  Love you, girl!

I share this publicly because it is about the awareness… which will lead to change!

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

May Your Mind Learn to Love with Compassion

"May your mind learn to love with compassion."

This quote was a beautiful gift to me which I now share with you, from my morning tea (Yogi).

A quote so fitting, as on my mind this morning is all of the wonderful people I have had the great fortune of connecting with over the past 7 years and the support I have felt from those who knew me before. It was 7 years ago this week the answers finally started coming in, only to leave me terrified with a million more questions. The answer: Stroke in my unborn child. At the time of the diagnosis Brendon was just about 19 months old and strong, yet he had so much to overcome with a very uncertain future. (Here is a little piece of advice for those who aren’t in the know, though you are probably much smarter than I and know this already: No one has a future that is a guarantee! Thus making all of us in the same boat, so to speak, yet some of us are little more hypersensitive to this revelation of mine.)

At that point, I sought Brendon’s entire short life (19 months) for answers, often questioning my own sanity as I was ignored, misled, even laughed at... When you get a diagnosis for your child you are often met with reactions that make you feel as if it is just you and your child against the world. The answers and the questions which follow become all consuming. You feel no one understands you. You get angry when someone says the wrong words as a reaction to hearing your child’s diagnosis and not realizing the uphill battle you face, the desperation.

Looking back I don't have anger and I don't blame anyone for not knowing. It can be quite a very uncomfortable feeling to come face to face with a woman on a mission to help her child and who will knock anyone over that gets in the way. With this I have come to understand that you have to move forward and empower others by educating them. How can people know if I don’t tell?

What has evolved, for me personally, is seeing first hand that beyond the sadness and pain and fear and craziness is a compassionate world. However, it takes the ones who are suffering to seek beyond their hell, to search for some sort of silver lining. With this being said I by no means imply that the pain and sadness isn’t valid, real, and warranted - I don’t simplify these feelings. Nor, do I mean that one can overcome these feelings. The feeling of being alone and isolated is something that we can help each other with. The feelings of pain and suffering I have felt throughout my entire life, with the feelings I experienced with Brendon’s diagnosis are very raw and fresh. If they weren’t then they wouldn’t be important. We, as compassionate people, can recognize when this is happening and reach out to the one who is suffering. Having been on the receiving end of kindness and compassion means the world and can pull you out of a dark place. It is as simple as sending a message, indicating, “Hey I care about you and am thinking about you!” For some reason, in the human experience, we just want to know we are not alone!

Another outcome of this experience is becoming truly grateful for what you do have. (Very easy said and done in black and white. But if you really dig down deep you find what it is that you are grateful for.) It is my personal belief that those of us who have suffered (often continuing to suffer) a tremendous pain are meant to be there, with love and compassion, for others. While we are all living different lives and losses, suffering and pain is brought on my so many different happenings in life. We develop empathy for others. Every life has an ongoing story that is different from our own but by putting ourselves in the shoes of the person who is suffering we recognize our personal feelings of love then relate to others.

This is more than just pediatric stroke awareness. This is about me as a human being, who loves deeply, and how I can relate my personal experiences to the experiences of others to better understand their feelings.

Little disclaimer: I will be the first to admit that I do have difficulty with people who I feel belittle what is in my heart. I will not make time to open myself up to being knocked down. Also, I will not make time for those who belittle the feelings of the ones I love.

This is who I have become in this journey and am greatly inspired by my son, my family, and those who took the time to offer compassion and kindness throughout the ups and downs.

I am truly, deeply grateful.

National Cerebral Palsy Awareness Day - March 25, 2014

It was 7 years ago this month that I heard the words "Cerebral Palsy" in regards to my own child. Talk about feeling like I had just been punched in the gut, only to leave me without breath. (I think it was about a year and half before I was able to breathe deep again. And as I sit here and type about it I find myself tearing up and gasping for air.)

It had been a long road to answers with much criticism and skepticism (on the part of many, including myself as I questioned my own insanity) along the way. But, then in March 2007, I sat, just me and my precious, soon-to-be, 19-month-old, little blonde-haired, blue-eyed, cherub-esse, boy with the very first pediatric neurologist we saw – only there “to rule anything out".

Well, at that visit absolutely NOTHING was ruled out; only to be replaced with a whole new set of questions, concerns, and fears. A new journey was just beginning!

At the time I thought our world was ending – so ridiculous of me. As I write this, I remember the beautiful poem “Welcome to Holland” (if you haven’t read it I HIGHLY advise you google the title and sit back and read these poignant words) that many of us who learn our child has special needs tend to stumble across and find ourselves sitting, with tears streaming down our faces, totally realizing how much in love we are with our child because the diagnosis doesn’t define him, but only strengthens our awareness of how amazing he truly is. My son is my greatest teacher, and along this journey I have been so inspired, my heart has been completely opened to so much more then it was before his incredible debut. Then I learned that he was such a fighter, so resilient, even before he was born, making me all the more enlightened and inspired.

I share this little blip in the journey with you today because of what today is recognized as: National Cerebral Palsy Awareness Day. I am always raising awareness for Childhood Stroke and will continue to do so daily.  Cerebral Palsy is one of the many diagnoses that Brendon received as a result of the perinatal stroke.

Cerebral Palsy was the very first diagnosis we received which led us to seek further answers which followed over the next few weeks, months, and years.

Today I ask of you to look at the picture of my child 8-year-old child, who loves animals, writing stories, imagining he is a Viking, playing basketball, loves to read, loves to sneak cookies when I am not looking, who has a great sense of humor, who worries about everyone he loves, who is a leader, who is more forgiving than anyone I have every met, and gives the best hugs of love and comfort, EVER. He is one of the millions of faces of Cerebral Palsy.

The more you are aware the more you will open your heart to the gift of WONDERFUL PEOPLE!

The Hardest Job I Have Ever Loved!

I have said this many times but I mean it with the deepest sincerity:  The hardest job I have ever had is being a parent!

With that being said, it is a job I wouldn’t trade for the world.  It is also the job I love the most!

For those who don’t know me, I have had many jobs over my 41 years.  They have ranged from picking up trash in parking lots and painting fences to working for the Division of Family Services to working as a Social Worker in Nursing Homes to, finally, a police officer for seven years prior to Brendon’s debut.

With this incredible job of parenting Brendon and Adelyn have come the biggest heartaches I have ever felt.   For some reason no pain hurts more than when it happens to my own child.  I have had broken bones, torn ligaments, hurt feelings, multiple surgeries (including two c-sections), I have been lied to, made fun of, called a ‘bastard’ because of being born out of wedlock (I’m adopted), been ignored, called ‘fat’,  told I read too slow, called a ‘baby’ by my fourth grade teacher who was too arrogant to understand the reason for my distress, told I would never amount to much by my high school counselor and that I wasn’t smart enough to attend a four –year college (proved her wrong!), and have experienced a broken heart, that has taken years to move on from, friendships ended… nothing compares to when my child, my son in this case, is in pain or is suffering.

Brendon’s speech issues are severe; often times a barrier for him from the outside world.  His words get trapped inside his head and people walk away.  Today we spoke in detail in the car on our way to his first therapeutic horseback ride of 2014 (kicking of the Spring Session) about how he feels when those words are stuck and I am not there to witness or assist. 

Brendon described what he feels like during interactions with his peers as this, “Mom, they ignore me.  It feels like I don’t matter; like I’m not important.” 

I am at the point of desperation with the issues he faces every single day with his speech.  When I sit and think about it I am moved to tears.  Stephen and I discuss it on a regular basis and he is often moved to tears knowing what our son endures with this deficit.

 

Today, while speaking with one of his two Speech/Language Pathologists, I said to her that I just wished she had the magic pill to make this all better for him.  I don’t think I have ever felt so helpless than when it comes to this matter.

I do a lot of research and try to come up with the solution and there is none.  All we can do is give him the tools to work his way out of the blocks and pray that someday it will all come together.  But, I will continue to research and try to find ways to help Brendon. 

So, as with every day we (Stephen and I) just try to make the best of it and reassure our precious children that they are most worthy of love and respect.  We spent the evening as a typical one in our home laughing, telling stories, reading, praying, and snuggling.

I am blessed!

What a Whirlwind of the Past Week and a Half…

Nothing like being on crutches longer than anticipated during a most crazy winter where we there is no lack for snow and ice.  When I scheduled surgery on my right foot I had in the back of my mind, No problem; this one is going to be much easier than the last one. (In full disclosure, the last one, in November on my left foot, went very smoothly and I was doing planks, pushups, and jogging after two months.  I had two corrections on that foot.)  

Well I was W-R-O-N-G!

 

Surgery was scheduled on the 5^th of February.  A brief trip down to Fairfield, Texas was scheduled at the end of the month, February 28^th.  That should leave PLENTY of time in between do everything necessary to keep up with the duties of maintaining a household, a family, a foundation and pack up for the trip.  Oh, and throw in the fact that my husband, Stephen, started a new business which requires being away from the family at times when he is usually home.  All of these wonderful and important happenings occurring; however, none of them have been easy.

 

Just to make it all a little more interesting my body reacts to the stress of it all by having nasty migraines that, basically, force me into a complete halt for at least 8 hours and leaving me completely depleted of energy and brain functioning for days – in this case weeks with back-to-back migraines.  (I literally forgot the name of a friend of mine one day - what the heck?!)

So a week ago Thursday (February 27^th), the Spear family rented a vehicle and packed up, grabbed a set of grandparents and headed south for the weekend. 

I hadn’t yet mentioned the reason for heading to a small town south east of Dallas-Fort Worth Texas.  Why else would the Spear family do such a thing?  For those who are familiar with me would immediately assume it has something to do with Pediatric Stroke Awareness.  That assumption is full-on accurate!  We made the trek and turned it into an adventure!   We went to show support for the Ward family.  They have been deeply impacted by stroke in a child.   Alex Ward, the youngest child of the family, endured a stroke around the time of his birth.  He is turning 7 next week.

Alex’s Mom, Jennifer, and I have become friends over the years.  We would have never crossed paths if it weren’t for the fact that we have both been impacted by pediatric stroke.  Jenn was one of the moms who became my lifeline during a time when I was trying to figure out how to help my child.  She and some of the other moms, I happened to meet via Caringbridge, were a godsend in a time where no one else understood.

For the past six Brendon’s Smile Rally/Walks to Raise Awareness for Childhood Stroke events, the Wards and/or their extended family have come up to St. Louis to show support.  With that being said, where else would the Spear family be on March 1, 2014 for the 1^st Annual Righty Run to benefit Alex Ward, along with a portion of the proceeds going to Brendon’s Smile and ANE Foundation.

 

We made it there and had a WONDERFUL time in Texas with our friends.  Also, it was awesome to spend time with my brother, Mike, and his oldest daughter (my niece) who were able to travel up from San Antonio, Texas – where they currently reside.  (My sister-in-law and youngest niece weren’t able to make it although they had intended on doing so.  The flu kept them from making the trip.)

After a very busy weekend we said our goodbyes and set out to make our trek back home for a busy week involving our work with Pediatric Stroke - the center of our focus - in St. Louis.  It was Sunday morning and a winter storm named “Titan” (how apropos!) was about to rip through our entire path home.   We made it about 3 hours north of Fairfield, just on the Texas side of the border into Oklahoma.   Yeah, I pretty much will admit that I was terrified about our safety and worried as to whether we would make it off of the highway.   God (yes, I went there) guided us safely off the ice-filled highway to a nice place to hang out until we could get back safely on our way. (And, I have to give a shout-out to Stephen’s expert driving skills!)  We were able to leave Monday morning and made it home around 7:30 that evening. 

Adelyn, by now, has had enough of being schlepped (another word so apropos – love my Jewish friends!) around for the past six months and is quite ready for a routine.  Brendon went to school on Tuesday.  Addie and I worked on trying to get our home back to normal after I had been out of commission for the previous four weeks.  We made some headway.  Oh, and we got our dog back from his resort where he, too, had an unexpected extended stay.

 

Wednesday brought us to the long awaited meeting with Dr. Heather Fullerton.  Every year the Spear family gathers with the guest lecturer for Annual Brendon’s Smile Lecture at the Washington University School of Medicine.  We meet at a dinner reception to welcome the lecturer and speak with other guests who happen to be amazing physicians from the departments that are all impacted by strokes in children at the St. Louis Children’s Hospital.

Dr. Fullerton spent three days at the Washington University School of Medicine and the St. Louis Children’s Hospital where she consulted physicians in regards to her expert knowledge about strokes in children.

Friday morning was the 5^th Annual Brendon’s Smile Lecture which I always attend.  It was a “packed house”.   Basically, 250 brilliant minds that specialize in pediatrics, neurology, hematology… were gathered for the lecture.  After the lecture I met with several people to discuss the impact this lectureship has on pediatric stroke.  It was noon by the time Adelyn (who was awesome throughout the entire lecture) and I returned home where I had a HUGE adrenaline dump!

The feeling of empowerment is incredible.  To go from completely powerless to totally empowered is incredible.  Brendon has inspired such a powerful movement to help the masses and encourage learning to help other children like him!

 

I am blessed!

Going back to Monday, February 24^th, in regards to my healing foot, I was given the permission to start weaning off of the crutches over the next few weeks.  After a conversation that about drove my doctor nuts because he was dealing with me – the “I can’t sit still, how long is this going to keep me down?” person that I am – I learned that I should take it slow, wean off the crutches, yet the weight bearing wouldn’t cause me harm as long as I took it slow.  My doctor tends to look at me and shake his head a lot.  Sometimes there is an eye roll.  So by Tuesday morning I had thanked the crutches for their service and bid them farewell!

I am still wearing a LARGE boot that is rather Herman Munster-esse (as in Frankenstein – if you don’t get it then google it!).   It is my dream that I can retire this boot that has carried me through two surgeries and over ten weeks of service on Tuesday for my follow-up appointment.  I want to wear a tennis shoe so I can move easier!

The picture is of me with Dr. Heather Fullerton after the lecture.

And there it is – a Whirlwind of a Past Week and a Half!  ;)

March is Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month

Often times people get confused, as did I in the beginning...

My son has several diagnoses as a result of the perinatal stroke he endured before he was EVEN born. One diagnosis is Cerebral Palsy, specifically right-sided motor disruption. This means that Brendon's right side is impaired and not equal to the left side of his body. He may not run as fast as most kids, he may not be able to pick up his right toe when he runs, he may need assistive devices to keep from falling when he runs, he may need injections to loosen the tightened tendons and ligaments that refuse to stretch with his body when he grows, he made need hours of therapy each week to help him move better and speak better, his right hand is weaker and often times he tucks his thumb into his palm, along with his entire right arm, he may look different sometimes in comparison to other kids his age when he runs, jumps, cuts his food on his plate, writes, he may take longer to speak than most his age because his speech was severely affected..

Yet, he has the most handsome face you would ever lay your eyes on, he is extremely compassionate and understanding of other people, he is highly intelligent, he is very protective of his sister and the ones he loves, he may have to work harder than most to dribble a basketball down a court and shoot a basket but he can do it, he has an awesome sense of humor, he can read at a 4th grade level even though he is only in second grade, he would never even think of getting anything less than 100% on a spelling test, he loves to make up stories about warriors, knights, and vikings, he loves to learn about animals, every day he imagines he has won the BIGGEST lottery so he can own a farm or a zoo, he gives the most amazing hugs and kisses and loves to do so, he tells his family he loves them at least 10 times per day, and this past weekend at a 1 mile race at the 1st Annual Righty Run he ran a 4 minute and 56 second mile placing 4th, he is extremely competitive (taking after a parent of his), every opportunity he gets he raises awareness about his differences so other kids can be aware...

Basically, make it a point to smile at someone who you may look away from because you are uncomfortable about his/her differences but know that if you take just a second to be aware that even though that person may look different on the outside he/she is more like you on the inside and might quite possibly win your heart and change your perspective, even inspire you to become the best person you can be! I opened my heart and have been inspired by some of the most amazing people, my son included!

March is National Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month and KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

PS: Babies, even unborn, and children have strokes, too!

Perservence

Tonight, as I snuggle with my children and we say our prayers, thanking God for our day and all of our blessings, we reflect on what took place this morning....

Now, I appreciate every second of every day and completely realize my blessings, even if at times I grow weary, but today stands out a little more above the rest.  Because, today my son, Brendon, who LOVES playing basketball made his first, ever, basket in a game- the third game of his third season.  Brendon is met with several slight challenges as result of the perinatal stroke he endured - cerebral palsy (specifically, right hemiparesis).  As of late, he has been dealing with a tightness, in his right leg, that is pretty common in a kiddo with hemiparesis and going through this most recent growth spurt - typical around his age, of 8.  In fact, since Brendon's appointment, this past summer, with his orthopedist, he has grown over a half of an inch and gained 8 pounds.  Unfortunately, a detrimental growth spurt, in his case.

With all of that being said, Brendon is quite the defensive basketball player, complete with a game face that would intimidate even the strongest and most confident of basketball players.  Also, he does a pretty darn good job of assisting other players in offense.  Needless to say he has lacked in his offensive skills - dribbling with control and shooting - to the point of tossing the ball away to avoid failure.

As his mother I know exactly what he is capable of and he is more than capable, stroke or no stroke, of playing a game as a well-rounded player, the only issue is getting over the fear and taking those extra steps, above and beyond most, to build the skill necessary.  Last weekend we worked on drills until he was giving me his best.  We spent the week talking about the fact that, for most, practice and hard work comes into play before it all comes together.  He doesn't have to work all that hard on defense, he's a natural! However, he needs to work extra hard on the offense.

Then I started discussing with Brendon the names of our friends' kids who are passionate about their favorite sport and are quite skilled due to constant, ongoing practice.  I recalled the Harlem Globetrotters clinic Brendon attended last summer with Scooter Christenson and Handles Franklin.  There was no mention, by these men, of it all coming naturally; there was a long, passionate testimony of how the love for the game and countless hours of practice brought them to be the best in the world, even with naysayers along the way.  Then I spoke of the Great Ozzie Smith (having the love of the St. Louis Cardinals in my blood).  Now Brendon is waaaay to young to know who Ozzie is but he learned very quickly of a man, the best short-stop ever, in my personal opinion, to play in the MLB.  Not many can argue about that title for the Hall of Famer.  Then there was my personal story of my time as a recruit in the police academy.  Every bump and bruise and aching muscle resulted in strength, confidence, and, to be quite frank, a know how to save my ass when the s@$% hits the fan.  I didn't walk into that academy proficient in those skills necessary but I walked out going above and beyond so I could do my best, and for 7 years I did (then I had a baby and retired my commission).

Finally, it was game day and, to be a little dramatic, the moment of truth.  My husband and I gave him a pep-talk the entire route to the game.  The first period Brendon's team looked a little sluggish and the boys weren't connecting.  Brendon even looked a little off on his defense.  Second period his game picked up and he was on defense.

Then it happened...

Brendon got the rebound from the opposing teams' basket and dribbled the ball.  I seriously think he was going to stop at half court, like all of the other times in the past. But, he didn't!  He took it down the entire court to the basket and he took the shot. IT WENT IN!

BRENDON MADE HIS FIRST BASKET IN A GAME!

After his success that boy jumped up and started to run back down the court with the brightest smile on his face and his left hand clinched, as if capturing his success and holding on, never wanting to let go.

Then, once he overcame that offensive hurdle he no longer had fear; it was gone! He dribbled down that court the rest of the game, as if he had been doing it all along.  He broke through that barrier!

At the end of the game he got his first ever, in the two years and three games of playing basketball, grey star for offense.  I know he was longing for that and he got it!

Tonight he began to question himself, asking if he deserved to be proud and if I were sure I was proud. Then my these words flowed from my heart to his heart: "It doesn't matter if you are the best; what matters is that you gave it your best."

He did give it his best and went beyond what I had only dreamed.

I am one proud Mama, here - I couldn't be more proud!

Ripple Effect

This personal blog of mine was designated, by me, to be my place where I write about my discoveries of who I am.  As I write this I giggle, a little, because, basically, I was trying to keep separate the Brendon's Smile Foundation and my work as an advocate for pediatric stroke from my self discoveries...DUH! I say "duh" because that work (among a gazillion other things) is a HUGE part of discovering who I am.  This work did inspire me to write again in the first place - a blog I started on Caring Bridge about the journey of my son, Brendon, who endured a stroke before he was born (www.caringbridge.org/visit/brendonssmile) .  I was "told" by an internal voice (no voices in my head here...my intuition) over six years ago to share Brendon's story and our journey as a way to help others.  I guess, as I have continued to write about our journey over the years I was reminded about how much I love to write - did a lot of it in high school and, in fact, started out at the University of Missouri, Columbia as a Journalism major only to find out I didn't want to go through the program and found myself working toward an undergraduate degree in Psychology (so funny that for some reason I can never spell that word the first time I type it ever; maybe it is reminding me to take a serious look at what it means).   So now I combine my love for writing with my love for the study of mental functions and behaviors of animals (humans included) in this blog and on facebook, often listing myself as the main subject matter.  I like to even take it a step further and add an extra dimension of Spiritual development.

What inspired this "Aha Moment", a.k.a. realization, was the fact that a friend of mine shared with me a blog written by a mother of a beautiful daughter with "special needs."  It took me back to the beginning of our journey and it ignited my thinking about all I have learned and all that I have written about in the past.  Then it resigned me to the fact that this experience of raising a child with needs above and beyond the average child is a big part of my Spiritual growth.  The reason why I want to share with the world the lessons I have learned as to maybe help another person or, even someday, the masses.

I am 41-year-old, retired Social Worker, Police Officer, wife (for the second time) and mother of two BEAUTIFUL little people among several other titles including adopted daughter with a biological family where I am still trying to figure out my place in that category. I can write volumes about every meaningful experience in my life that has helped me develop, spiritually - seriously, is there one person who can't?!  But, I actually feel compelled to share and not everyone does.  I have had the wonderful pleasure of being exposed to so much in my life.  I feel that each experience is the part of the mold of who I have become and who I continue to be.

At this point in my life I choose to be positive - with the disclaimer that I am human and do experience human motions that sometimes become a part of the lesson - but I do have a sarcastic whit about me.  (I came from a very low point from my teen years and, at times, in my twenties.) I have NEVER blamed (yeah, I will go there) God, the Higher Power in which I believe is the Creator of all, for the issues I have endured or my son endures or my family endures. Brendon actually has put that in perspective for me when I was feeling quite low.

With all of this being said I will tell you that it is the love I have for my family (my husband and children) and my friends, along with people who have opened their hearts to me is why I share and intend to inspire and share.  I feel that when you put goodness and love out in the world it turns into something bigger and better.  Just think about when  stranger smiles at you, you turn and smile at another stranger and the next thing you know is you have a bunch of smiling strangers that may actually turn a bad day into a good day for one or many.   I try to make it a point to remember that each person I come into contact in a day is a person who has feelings - having the capacity to experience joy or grief - and just maybe needing a friendly face.  I try to be conscious of what I can't see.

Go out in the world today and smile!

PS: Babies, even unborn, and children have strokes, too! ~Jessica J. Spear

 

 

Love is the Best Medicine

Yesterday we learned something about a friend of our family who is going back into battle against cancer. She delivered the news to us. Cancer in my book is evil. Anyone who has to go into battle up against this horrid disease needs to know people have their back.

At dinner we, the Spear family, sat discussing what our friend is facing and how we could help. What better to help then to tell our friend how much we love her. We decided we would make a card for her so every time she looks at it she will be reminded that we love her and are on her side.

As we further discussed making the card we decided on one collaborative homemade card, with the project headed up by Brendon. As we discussed the contents, for the cover, Brendon said, "You know 'Love is the BESTEST medicine!'" (He says BESTEST because Stephen refers to Brendon as his "Bestest Buddy".)

As Brendon designed the card he wrote on the front: Love is the Medicine!

Over the past several years I have learned to sit back and listen to my children because often times the words spoken from their hearts are the best reminders of what is important about living life and why we are, in fact, here.

After the card was complete we delivered it with a bag of Hershey kisses. She heads into her first radiation treatment today and will learn more about what her fight will entail. Her attitude about heading into this battle is one of a true FIGHTER!

How incredibly blessed am I to have been given a very simple yet extremely complex message delivered from the heart of my own child: Love is the best Medicine!

I am so humbled by this incredible experience!

I share this story with you in case you need a reminder and a simple story to help drive this message home to your heart.

Knowledge is Power

The knowledge I have accrued in my experience as a young adopted child, daughter, sister, student, social worker, police officer, wife, and mother of two is something I feel extremely compelled to share when necessary. 

In regards to my son, Brendon, a child who has been faced with obvious adversity, I believe it is my obligation to him and society, in situations such as the one which occurred on Saturday at his first basketball practice to educate. People (kids and adults, alike) ridicule, belittle, bully, make fun of... others who are different because of ignorance.

Prior to having a child who survived a stroke I knew little about pediatric stroke, cerebral palsy, sensory issues, and stuttering. Today I know a whole heck of a lot. Just ask if you want to share in the information I have gained through experience.

Admittedly and sadly, prior to knowing this information, especially as a child, myself, I would have most likely walked in the opposite direction of someone like my son or similar to him as I wouldn't have known how to act. See my point? How "I" would know how to act - it's not about me, duh! I was ignorant to the fact that people like Brendon are more like me rather than not. And, often times, even smarter, more sensitive and more loving than I am. Today, through many years of life experience and then having my awesome kiddo, Brendon, I am much more sensitive to differences and quit worrying about myself and focus on the wonderful experience and blessing of being his mom, seeing the world through his AMAZING eyes...

I take away the stigmas of differences through education and share that Brendon is very much a "typical" human being who is here to live his life, take interest in his actions, contribute to society, love, laugh, run as best as he can, dribble a basketball as best as he can, jump, play swords, read books, hug, smile, cry, get frustrated, get embarrassed, get pissed when someone does something hurtful to someone he loves, care about others, know a lot of information about animals...be a son, a brother, a grandson, a neighbor, a nephew, a cousin, and someday maybe a husband, a dad, and anything else he aspires to be!

Brendon has taught me to be the best me I can be! Talk about being blessed...

Knowledge IS Power!

Resolution...Laugh, Laughter, Laugh More...

Laughter is scientifically proven to be good for you!  Well, according to my very quick "google" search and coming up with some results from "Web MD."  Okay so I'm not a scientist and I am not a researcher although I do have my Undergraduate Degree in Psychology.   But really if I ask myself  have I ever known someone, including me, to not feel awesome right after a good laugh!?  I love to surround myself with people who make me laugh!

In the beginning of my life I felt the need to be really serious but there were those times with my mom who has an incredible sense of humor and has taught me to be the first to laugh at yourself or you will be the only one not laughing.  People love being around my mom!

Then there were the times when I was with my friends and we were downright goofy, having a good time and laughing. Then there was college - nights of being up all night doing crazy stupid things while laughing the entire time - using dorm shower curtains to sled ride down the HUGE hill next to the Hearnes Center at 2 am.  We put them back, okay!

Believe it or not, I laughed a lot as a police officer when pulling out a dose of sarcasm, making light of some really intense circumstances.  Being the only officer available (no back up) to get a call, late one  night,  for a fight in progress, involving 15 - 20 juveniles in the middle of a street in Lemay.  I hit the lights and sirens about five blocks from the call, as any experienced police officer would do, only to pull up in the middle of  15, or so, sets of eyes staring at me as if they were deer caught in headlights.  At the point when I slammed on the breaks and the vehicle came to a complete stop, my flashlight went flying to the floor board.  Basically, you never want to take your eyes off of the people you are about to encounter, for safety purposes.  But, dang it, I was driving and old Ford Crown Victoria with a dang bench seat.  My feet barely reached the pedals - I've never been accused of being  the tallest in the crowd.  I believe the visual entailed my butt stuck up in the air as I was reaching for the flashlight on the floor, and then was finally able to exit the vehicle. At which point, I found myself in the middle of the crowd of angry people, with no back up.  So is it really feasible for one person to take on a crowd of an angry?  That is when I yelled out, standing smack-dab in the middle of this mob, "This is the point where you all need to RUN!"  They did!  I brushed off my hands.  Got back in the vehicle and told the dispatcher in police terminology, basically, "all is well".   I started cracking up.  I'm sure it looked like a scene from Keystone Cops.  Then there was my crazy co-worker who called me out to assist on a crime scene involving a dead raccoon in the middle of Lemay Ferry Road at 3 am.  There may or may have not been some crime scene tape and photo processing.

Over the past few years I have found myself a little uptight and intense, at times - hold your commentary to yourselves.  Then I recall how when it comes to me, I am going to go there again, God has a really big sense of humor.  Maybe someday I may feel so inclined to write about some of the circumstances, involving divine intervention,  that have occurred which have caused both me and my husband to stop dead in our tracks and laugh.

Then just a week or so ago, I asked myself why not laugh more because it feels so good and healthy.

Now, touching briefly on resolutions, I love to make resolutions every year.  I find one that helps me be aware of what I feel is lacking and then resolve to do more of whatever it is.  Last year it was to spend more time with my friends.  I don't quite think I was as successful as I wish but it will continue, plus you can't help but have conflicts in schedules when you are dealing with people who have young children.

This year I resolve to laugh...which entails putting myself in circumstances that can elicit laughter - whether it be with the people who bring me to laughter, read a funny book, or watch a funny movie.  The other night, I decided why wait.  We had family game night and there was Foosball involved.  I have to dial down the competition when it comes to the kids but when it is me verses my husband, no-holds-barred!  Believe me there was a lot to laugh about.

More laughter just might be a wonderful prescription, a way to appreciate the present, to keep myself and those around me healthy...the options are unlimited!

Once again, I resolve to LAUGH!

With this being shared, Happy New Year - 2014!