The current phrase that blurts out of my mouth as of late is: Two is really hard! When the words roll off my tongue and through my lips, accompanied by the extreme look of cluelessness written all over my face, I am incredibly overjoyed!
What I am really saying is: Two is wonderful! A major blessing that makes my heart well with so much warmth. I am so in love with two little incredible people. Then to have a boy and a girl - the best of both worlds! God is so good - thank you!
I try and reflect back to the beginning of my journey as a mother - the hardest job I never imagined I could love so much!
In the beginning I was tired - all of the time! In fact I was tired for three years. How was it that during my college years I could stay up all night long? Then I remembered...I could sleep when I wanted. There wasn't anyone screaming at me to get up! Next I beat myself up - only a little - pleading with myself. How could you deprive yourself of sleep way back when? Don't you know that you should have banked it when you had the chance so you could dig deep into the reserves for the moments where your future children would not be so thoughtful?
After those three years the memories of massive major huge sleep deprivation begin to slowly fade. You get a little cocky - I got this thing totally figured out. What is another one? I know that everything is temporary. So we add another human to the family. I wasn't so cocky that I entirely forgot. I wasn't in a major hurry to give birth. Pregnancy is actually the easy part. She will get here when she gets here. Well, she came early. Not by her choice, however. I really think she would have stayed in there beyond her due date. But, my fine doc said lets get her out. And, so he did. He did try to get her out even earlier. I looked at him and said, "Uh no you can't. I am not ready!" I think he laughed at me.
Seriously, who has time to prepare for #2 when you have a #1? Then there was the fact our basement was being finished and wasn't ready. I had had people working on my house for months. Then there was Brendon's fifth birthday extravaganza. Then there was the 4th Annual Brendon's Smile...Raising Awareness for Childhood Stroke walk/rally. Then there was the golf tournament to benefit Brendon's Smile. Then I had three weeks to get EVERYTHING done. Uh, WRONG! I did get out to get a few things - mainly bows. In my frantic state I told Stephen, "This baby can't be born without bows. She has NO bows!" Really how can you welcome a baby girl into the world without bows, oh and pink hats, too? That was a change prior to me crying my eyes out while up in the attic -what is a eight and a half month pregnant woman doing up in the attic? don't ask! - a week earlier as I was going through all of Brendon's baby clothes. I had to say goodbye to Brendon's babyhood. I even tried to justify putting some of the boy clothes on my baby girl when she was born. What is she going to know? She is just a baby! Stephen laughed at me! He sent me out to get bows. Greetings Baby Girl! Absolutely NO boy clothes will be on my girl!
This second little baby had me fooled for about three months. Sleep deprivation occurred. It was to be expected but not at the same magnitude of the first go around. Then BAAM! She decided sleeping all of the time was no longer necessary!
In my delirium they plotted. I don't know how a new baby and a five-year-old could do it but they did! They plotted and tag-teamed me! One would have me up. Then once that one would fall asleep and I was on the brink of peaceful tasty restful sleep then the other would wake me up with toe curling screaming! I was under attack! Tag your it; now go get mommy!
I just have to say anyone with more than two is my hero! I tell women with more than two ALL of the time!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
Freedom Requires Responsibility
Today on this the 4th day of July in the year of 2011 I feel the need to reflect on this beautiful country in which I was so blessed to be born and raised. Throughout my childhood - and maybe I still do today - I often would ask myself this hypothetical question: How was I so lucky to be born in the United States?
As I have become an adult and experienced life pre and post September 11th, 2001 - first attack on American soil that had taken the most civilian lives in the history of the USA - I have spent a lot of time researching and reflecting on what life is like in other countries. We Americans had our security - whether it be false or not - violated. Living life in a protective bubble no longer exists.
Later I had come to understand the nature of those who hate us only because we were born in this wonderful country. Growing up in the 70s and 80s it was the Cold War. The Russians were the ones to fear. In fact there was a fall out shelter in my high school. Signs were posted to guide us to the shelter if the need were to ever arise.
There are people who are raised to hate the Western world more than they love their own children, therefore, creating killers. It is so hard for me to swallow this concept. It is my dream for my son and daughter to grow up leading long healthy, happy, and productive lives. It is not my dream to have my children grow up to be martyrs.
Maybe my way of thinking is arrogant; I don't know?
But I do appreciate my freedom. It is also hard for me to comprehend the thought of all those who have sacrificed - whether it be their lives, their time with their families, their limbs, and/or their sanity - to provide me, my family, my friends, and my fellow countryman such freedom.
So what does it mean to truly have freedom? Well for starters, isn't it cool that I can write my opinion whether it be different from my president and publish it without any repercussions? I can tell him I don't like something without sacrificing my personal freedom. I have the right to freedom of speech just because I was born in this country with that particular right. Try that in China and see what happens.
Yesterday the thought Freedom Requires Responsibility was posed.
Think about what that means. There are so many in our society who takes our freedom for granted. This warrants a prayer for those who don't understand that maybe they can find their way to respect what it is our country is based on and the rights we can exercise!
As I have become an adult and experienced life pre and post September 11th, 2001 - first attack on American soil that had taken the most civilian lives in the history of the USA - I have spent a lot of time researching and reflecting on what life is like in other countries. We Americans had our security - whether it be false or not - violated. Living life in a protective bubble no longer exists.
Later I had come to understand the nature of those who hate us only because we were born in this wonderful country. Growing up in the 70s and 80s it was the Cold War. The Russians were the ones to fear. In fact there was a fall out shelter in my high school. Signs were posted to guide us to the shelter if the need were to ever arise.
There are people who are raised to hate the Western world more than they love their own children, therefore, creating killers. It is so hard for me to swallow this concept. It is my dream for my son and daughter to grow up leading long healthy, happy, and productive lives. It is not my dream to have my children grow up to be martyrs.
Maybe my way of thinking is arrogant; I don't know?
But I do appreciate my freedom. It is also hard for me to comprehend the thought of all those who have sacrificed - whether it be their lives, their time with their families, their limbs, and/or their sanity - to provide me, my family, my friends, and my fellow countryman such freedom.
So what does it mean to truly have freedom? Well for starters, isn't it cool that I can write my opinion whether it be different from my president and publish it without any repercussions? I can tell him I don't like something without sacrificing my personal freedom. I have the right to freedom of speech just because I was born in this country with that particular right. Try that in China and see what happens.
Yesterday the thought Freedom Requires Responsibility was posed.
Think about what that means. There are so many in our society who takes our freedom for granted. This warrants a prayer for those who don't understand that maybe they can find their way to respect what it is our country is based on and the rights we can exercise!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Getting Started
OK, so it is going to take me some time to navigate through yet another web thingy majig (sp?) to make it all pretty and stuff. Apparently I tried my hand at this a few years ago - 3 to be exact - and must have been overwhelmed.
Lately I have been experiencing a certain nagging feeling that goes something like this: Jessica, You must write! Do it for yourself. You have so much you want to express! Now here I am! (Like I have any time to do such another project.)
There is my Caringbridge journal (www.caringbridge.org/visit/brendonssmile), which I totally love to write in. But there is more to me than Brendon's journey with his stroke. There is an amazing kiddo who will baffle me throughout an entire day. This is the place where I can run to and write down something he said and how it made me feel. Then there is the newest sweetest softest little addition to the family - Ms. Adelyn. I have to write about her too! She is yet another teacher to me in this world - the never ending classroom called life. I always say Once you stop learning you are dead! God graced me with two amazing teachers at this point in my life. Sometimes, especially the bigger teacher with the blonde hair and the ginormous blue eyes, they are relentless. They will take you beyond a place you never thought you would go!
Also, I didn't want to bore anyone on Caringbridge with my quirky thoughts! This location is for ALL of the little nuiances that pass through my brain in a given day.
Well not everything is going to be annoying or nagging. After all my children are life inspiring and I am completely one hundred percent positive there will be a lot written about the two greatest gifts of my life, a.k.a. the loves of my life!
Then there is all of the other stuff! For example, last evening while watching the 10 o'clock news. Did they really have to show the butt crack of the hairy shirtless over weight man who was working on the local Del Taco? I mean come on, really?
See? Nuiances! It is just something I had to get out of my system!
Lastly there is the man that I am living with, a.k.a. my husband Stephen. He often throws in the pop quizes and pushes me, too. There are times I have to take a look at my vantage point and see beyond. There are four of us living in a tiny house and a lot of energy flowing throughout. There is no one opinion even though I rule....seriously, lol! Along with the little people in my home Stephen offers unconditional love.
In summation: I am VERY blessed and why not put it in black and white!
Lately I have been experiencing a certain nagging feeling that goes something like this: Jessica, You must write! Do it for yourself. You have so much you want to express! Now here I am! (Like I have any time to do such another project.)
There is my Caringbridge journal (www.caringbridge.org/visit/brendonssmile), which I totally love to write in. But there is more to me than Brendon's journey with his stroke. There is an amazing kiddo who will baffle me throughout an entire day. This is the place where I can run to and write down something he said and how it made me feel. Then there is the newest sweetest softest little addition to the family - Ms. Adelyn. I have to write about her too! She is yet another teacher to me in this world - the never ending classroom called life. I always say Once you stop learning you are dead! God graced me with two amazing teachers at this point in my life. Sometimes, especially the bigger teacher with the blonde hair and the ginormous blue eyes, they are relentless. They will take you beyond a place you never thought you would go!
Also, I didn't want to bore anyone on Caringbridge with my quirky thoughts! This location is for ALL of the little nuiances that pass through my brain in a given day.
Well not everything is going to be annoying or nagging. After all my children are life inspiring and I am completely one hundred percent positive there will be a lot written about the two greatest gifts of my life, a.k.a. the loves of my life!
Then there is all of the other stuff! For example, last evening while watching the 10 o'clock news. Did they really have to show the butt crack of the hairy shirtless over weight man who was working on the local Del Taco? I mean come on, really?
See? Nuiances! It is just something I had to get out of my system!
Lastly there is the man that I am living with, a.k.a. my husband Stephen. He often throws in the pop quizes and pushes me, too. There are times I have to take a look at my vantage point and see beyond. There are four of us living in a tiny house and a lot of energy flowing throughout. There is no one opinion even though I rule....seriously, lol! Along with the little people in my home Stephen offers unconditional love.
In summation: I am VERY blessed and why not put it in black and white!
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