Perservence

Tonight, as I snuggle with my children and we say our prayers, thanking God for our day and all of our blessings, we reflect on what took place this morning....

Now, I appreciate every second of every day and completely realize my blessings, even if at times I grow weary, but today stands out a little more above the rest.  Because, today my son, Brendon, who LOVES playing basketball made his first, ever, basket in a game- the third game of his third season.  Brendon is met with several slight challenges as result of the perinatal stroke he endured - cerebral palsy (specifically, right hemiparesis).  As of late, he has been dealing with a tightness, in his right leg, that is pretty common in a kiddo with hemiparesis and going through this most recent growth spurt - typical around his age, of 8.  In fact, since Brendon's appointment, this past summer, with his orthopedist, he has grown over a half of an inch and gained 8 pounds.  Unfortunately, a detrimental growth spurt, in his case.

With all of that being said, Brendon is quite the defensive basketball player, complete with a game face that would intimidate even the strongest and most confident of basketball players.  Also, he does a pretty darn good job of assisting other players in offense.  Needless to say he has lacked in his offensive skills - dribbling with control and shooting - to the point of tossing the ball away to avoid failure.

As his mother I know exactly what he is capable of and he is more than capable, stroke or no stroke, of playing a game as a well-rounded player, the only issue is getting over the fear and taking those extra steps, above and beyond most, to build the skill necessary.  Last weekend we worked on drills until he was giving me his best.  We spent the week talking about the fact that, for most, practice and hard work comes into play before it all comes together.  He doesn't have to work all that hard on defense, he's a natural! However, he needs to work extra hard on the offense.

Then I started discussing with Brendon the names of our friends' kids who are passionate about their favorite sport and are quite skilled due to constant, ongoing practice.  I recalled the Harlem Globetrotters clinic Brendon attended last summer with Scooter Christenson and Handles Franklin.  There was no mention, by these men, of it all coming naturally; there was a long, passionate testimony of how the love for the game and countless hours of practice brought them to be the best in the world, even with naysayers along the way.  Then I spoke of the Great Ozzie Smith (having the love of the St. Louis Cardinals in my blood).  Now Brendon is waaaay to young to know who Ozzie is but he learned very quickly of a man, the best short-stop ever, in my personal opinion, to play in the MLB.  Not many can argue about that title for the Hall of Famer.  Then there was my personal story of my time as a recruit in the police academy.  Every bump and bruise and aching muscle resulted in strength, confidence, and, to be quite frank, a know how to save my ass when the s@$% hits the fan.  I didn't walk into that academy proficient in those skills necessary but I walked out going above and beyond so I could do my best, and for 7 years I did (then I had a baby and retired my commission).

Finally, it was game day and, to be a little dramatic, the moment of truth.  My husband and I gave him a pep-talk the entire route to the game.  The first period Brendon's team looked a little sluggish and the boys weren't connecting.  Brendon even looked a little off on his defense.  Second period his game picked up and he was on defense.

Then it happened...

Brendon got the rebound from the opposing teams' basket and dribbled the ball.  I seriously think he was going to stop at half court, like all of the other times in the past. But, he didn't!  He took it down the entire court to the basket and he took the shot. IT WENT IN!

BRENDON MADE HIS FIRST BASKET IN A GAME!

After his success that boy jumped up and started to run back down the court with the brightest smile on his face and his left hand clinched, as if capturing his success and holding on, never wanting to let go.

Then, once he overcame that offensive hurdle he no longer had fear; it was gone! He dribbled down that court the rest of the game, as if he had been doing it all along.  He broke through that barrier!

At the end of the game he got his first ever, in the two years and three games of playing basketball, grey star for offense.  I know he was longing for that and he got it!

Tonight he began to question himself, asking if he deserved to be proud and if I were sure I was proud. Then my these words flowed from my heart to his heart: "It doesn't matter if you are the best; what matters is that you gave it your best."

He did give it his best and went beyond what I had only dreamed.

I am one proud Mama, here - I couldn't be more proud!

Ripple Effect

This personal blog of mine was designated, by me, to be my place where I write about my discoveries of who I am.  As I write this I giggle, a little, because, basically, I was trying to keep separate the Brendon's Smile Foundation and my work as an advocate for pediatric stroke from my self discoveries...DUH! I say "duh" because that work (among a gazillion other things) is a HUGE part of discovering who I am.  This work did inspire me to write again in the first place - a blog I started on Caring Bridge about the journey of my son, Brendon, who endured a stroke before he was born (www.caringbridge.org/visit/brendonssmile) .  I was "told" by an internal voice (no voices in my head here...my intuition) over six years ago to share Brendon's story and our journey as a way to help others.  I guess, as I have continued to write about our journey over the years I was reminded about how much I love to write - did a lot of it in high school and, in fact, started out at the University of Missouri, Columbia as a Journalism major only to find out I didn't want to go through the program and found myself working toward an undergraduate degree in Psychology (so funny that for some reason I can never spell that word the first time I type it ever; maybe it is reminding me to take a serious look at what it means).   So now I combine my love for writing with my love for the study of mental functions and behaviors of animals (humans included) in this blog and on facebook, often listing myself as the main subject matter.  I like to even take it a step further and add an extra dimension of Spiritual development.

What inspired this "Aha Moment", a.k.a. realization, was the fact that a friend of mine shared with me a blog written by a mother of a beautiful daughter with "special needs."  It took me back to the beginning of our journey and it ignited my thinking about all I have learned and all that I have written about in the past.  Then it resigned me to the fact that this experience of raising a child with needs above and beyond the average child is a big part of my Spiritual growth.  The reason why I want to share with the world the lessons I have learned as to maybe help another person or, even someday, the masses.

I am 41-year-old, retired Social Worker, Police Officer, wife (for the second time) and mother of two BEAUTIFUL little people among several other titles including adopted daughter with a biological family where I am still trying to figure out my place in that category. I can write volumes about every meaningful experience in my life that has helped me develop, spiritually - seriously, is there one person who can't?!  But, I actually feel compelled to share and not everyone does.  I have had the wonderful pleasure of being exposed to so much in my life.  I feel that each experience is the part of the mold of who I have become and who I continue to be.

At this point in my life I choose to be positive - with the disclaimer that I am human and do experience human motions that sometimes become a part of the lesson - but I do have a sarcastic whit about me.  (I came from a very low point from my teen years and, at times, in my twenties.) I have NEVER blamed (yeah, I will go there) God, the Higher Power in which I believe is the Creator of all, for the issues I have endured or my son endures or my family endures. Brendon actually has put that in perspective for me when I was feeling quite low.

With all of this being said I will tell you that it is the love I have for my family (my husband and children) and my friends, along with people who have opened their hearts to me is why I share and intend to inspire and share.  I feel that when you put goodness and love out in the world it turns into something bigger and better.  Just think about when  stranger smiles at you, you turn and smile at another stranger and the next thing you know is you have a bunch of smiling strangers that may actually turn a bad day into a good day for one or many.   I try to make it a point to remember that each person I come into contact in a day is a person who has feelings - having the capacity to experience joy or grief - and just maybe needing a friendly face.  I try to be conscious of what I can't see.

Go out in the world today and smile!

PS: Babies, even unborn, and children have strokes, too! ~Jessica J. Spear

 

 

Love is the Best Medicine

Yesterday we learned something about a friend of our family who is going back into battle against cancer. She delivered the news to us. Cancer in my book is evil. Anyone who has to go into battle up against this horrid disease needs to know people have their back.

At dinner we, the Spear family, sat discussing what our friend is facing and how we could help. What better to help then to tell our friend how much we love her. We decided we would make a card for her so every time she looks at it she will be reminded that we love her and are on her side.

As we further discussed making the card we decided on one collaborative homemade card, with the project headed up by Brendon. As we discussed the contents, for the cover, Brendon said, "You know 'Love is the BESTEST medicine!'" (He says BESTEST because Stephen refers to Brendon as his "Bestest Buddy".)

As Brendon designed the card he wrote on the front: Love is the Medicine!

Over the past several years I have learned to sit back and listen to my children because often times the words spoken from their hearts are the best reminders of what is important about living life and why we are, in fact, here.

After the card was complete we delivered it with a bag of Hershey kisses. She heads into her first radiation treatment today and will learn more about what her fight will entail. Her attitude about heading into this battle is one of a true FIGHTER!

How incredibly blessed am I to have been given a very simple yet extremely complex message delivered from the heart of my own child: Love is the best Medicine!

I am so humbled by this incredible experience!

I share this story with you in case you need a reminder and a simple story to help drive this message home to your heart.

Knowledge is Power

The knowledge I have accrued in my experience as a young adopted child, daughter, sister, student, social worker, police officer, wife, and mother of two is something I feel extremely compelled to share when necessary. 

In regards to my son, Brendon, a child who has been faced with obvious adversity, I believe it is my obligation to him and society, in situations such as the one which occurred on Saturday at his first basketball practice to educate. People (kids and adults, alike) ridicule, belittle, bully, make fun of... others who are different because of ignorance.

Prior to having a child who survived a stroke I knew little about pediatric stroke, cerebral palsy, sensory issues, and stuttering. Today I know a whole heck of a lot. Just ask if you want to share in the information I have gained through experience.

Admittedly and sadly, prior to knowing this information, especially as a child, myself, I would have most likely walked in the opposite direction of someone like my son or similar to him as I wouldn't have known how to act. See my point? How "I" would know how to act - it's not about me, duh! I was ignorant to the fact that people like Brendon are more like me rather than not. And, often times, even smarter, more sensitive and more loving than I am. Today, through many years of life experience and then having my awesome kiddo, Brendon, I am much more sensitive to differences and quit worrying about myself and focus on the wonderful experience and blessing of being his mom, seeing the world through his AMAZING eyes...

I take away the stigmas of differences through education and share that Brendon is very much a "typical" human being who is here to live his life, take interest in his actions, contribute to society, love, laugh, run as best as he can, dribble a basketball as best as he can, jump, play swords, read books, hug, smile, cry, get frustrated, get embarrassed, get pissed when someone does something hurtful to someone he loves, care about others, know a lot of information about animals...be a son, a brother, a grandson, a neighbor, a nephew, a cousin, and someday maybe a husband, a dad, and anything else he aspires to be!

Brendon has taught me to be the best me I can be! Talk about being blessed...

Knowledge IS Power!

Resolution...Laugh, Laughter, Laugh More...

Laughter is scientifically proven to be good for you!  Well, according to my very quick "google" search and coming up with some results from "Web MD."  Okay so I'm not a scientist and I am not a researcher although I do have my Undergraduate Degree in Psychology.   But really if I ask myself  have I ever known someone, including me, to not feel awesome right after a good laugh!?  I love to surround myself with people who make me laugh!

In the beginning of my life I felt the need to be really serious but there were those times with my mom who has an incredible sense of humor and has taught me to be the first to laugh at yourself or you will be the only one not laughing.  People love being around my mom!

Then there were the times when I was with my friends and we were downright goofy, having a good time and laughing. Then there was college - nights of being up all night doing crazy stupid things while laughing the entire time - using dorm shower curtains to sled ride down the HUGE hill next to the Hearnes Center at 2 am.  We put them back, okay!

Believe it or not, I laughed a lot as a police officer when pulling out a dose of sarcasm, making light of some really intense circumstances.  Being the only officer available (no back up) to get a call, late one  night,  for a fight in progress, involving 15 - 20 juveniles in the middle of a street in Lemay.  I hit the lights and sirens about five blocks from the call, as any experienced police officer would do, only to pull up in the middle of  15, or so, sets of eyes staring at me as if they were deer caught in headlights.  At the point when I slammed on the breaks and the vehicle came to a complete stop, my flashlight went flying to the floor board.  Basically, you never want to take your eyes off of the people you are about to encounter, for safety purposes.  But, dang it, I was driving and old Ford Crown Victoria with a dang bench seat.  My feet barely reached the pedals - I've never been accused of being  the tallest in the crowd.  I believe the visual entailed my butt stuck up in the air as I was reaching for the flashlight on the floor, and then was finally able to exit the vehicle. At which point, I found myself in the middle of the crowd of angry people, with no back up.  So is it really feasible for one person to take on a crowd of an angry?  That is when I yelled out, standing smack-dab in the middle of this mob, "This is the point where you all need to RUN!"  They did!  I brushed off my hands.  Got back in the vehicle and told the dispatcher in police terminology, basically, "all is well".   I started cracking up.  I'm sure it looked like a scene from Keystone Cops.  Then there was my crazy co-worker who called me out to assist on a crime scene involving a dead raccoon in the middle of Lemay Ferry Road at 3 am.  There may or may have not been some crime scene tape and photo processing.

Over the past few years I have found myself a little uptight and intense, at times - hold your commentary to yourselves.  Then I recall how when it comes to me, I am going to go there again, God has a really big sense of humor.  Maybe someday I may feel so inclined to write about some of the circumstances, involving divine intervention,  that have occurred which have caused both me and my husband to stop dead in our tracks and laugh.

Then just a week or so ago, I asked myself why not laugh more because it feels so good and healthy.

Now, touching briefly on resolutions, I love to make resolutions every year.  I find one that helps me be aware of what I feel is lacking and then resolve to do more of whatever it is.  Last year it was to spend more time with my friends.  I don't quite think I was as successful as I wish but it will continue, plus you can't help but have conflicts in schedules when you are dealing with people who have young children.

This year I resolve to laugh...which entails putting myself in circumstances that can elicit laughter - whether it be with the people who bring me to laughter, read a funny book, or watch a funny movie.  The other night, I decided why wait.  We had family game night and there was Foosball involved.  I have to dial down the competition when it comes to the kids but when it is me verses my husband, no-holds-barred!  Believe me there was a lot to laugh about.

More laughter just might be a wonderful prescription, a way to appreciate the present, to keep myself and those around me healthy...the options are unlimited!

Once again, I resolve to LAUGH!

With this being shared, Happy New Year - 2014!